Blunt Talk About Addictions

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It's Easter

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 14:13:00 +0000

I'm going out to breakfast with my family so I didn't have time to wait for the gym to open today. But I wanted to get in a mile walk in so that I still could exercise today.

As I was walking I was thinking about Easter and what it means. For Christians it's a sacred day, signifying the day Jesus rose from the dead. What is the analogy here regarding addictions?

I think it's that we always have another chance to win. If you fail day after day trying to quit your addiction, you always have tomorrow, and tomorrow could be the day that you quit and your life will forever be changed.

Just my thought on my walk this morning........

Happy Easter...

To Quit Your Addiction You Must Be Relentless

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 15:37:00 +0000

I was watching a religious program the other morning and the minister was talking about how one must be relentless to have a relationship with God.

I then thought that in order for us to accomplish anything worthwhile in this life, most times we must become relentless. Think about the big things in life---getting a college degree, learning to drive a car, getting your body into the shape you would like it---these things all take being dedicated and relentless.

Addictions are the same way I believe. When you decide to quit your addiction, you may be surprised to find that it's relatively easy.....for a period of time. Then the doubts may come in. Will I be able to quit my entire life? Will I get cravings, and if I do, how will I respond? Will I go back to my addiction?

You must become relentless at this point. It may start by having to talk yourself out of taking that cigarette or drink. Every time you seemingly almost give in, then don't give in you become stronger. Then the times you think of starting your addiction again become less and less.

But until you get to that point, learn to become relentless. In becoming relentless you never have to be addicted again.

Habits and Addiction

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 16:49:00 +0000

I was driving back from the gym today after having done a few errands afterwards. I got to thinking how "un-fun" working out and doing errands really is. I'd rather putter around at home where it's warm, than be out in the cold (although the weather was in the 50's).

But.....I almost always work out on Sunday mornings. And I usually do some errands after I work out. It's a habit, so I don't have to think about it anymore. If I started wondering.......hmm....do I really need to work out today? Or if I think that I have so much to do that I don't have time to work out......I could get used to not working out.

So I don't ask myself what I feel like. Who cares about what I "feel" like. I know that I always feel better after I work out, my clothes fit better, I'm healthier.

And the good thing about habits---think about this---once you establish a habit, you don't have to do the back and forth thinking about it. The decision has been made! It makes life easier for you. You don't have all that mental anguish thinking of all of the reasons why you should put off quitting your addiction, working out---whatever.

Habits are great!

Happy Valentine's Day

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 18:35:00 +0000

The thing about being addicted to drugs, alcohol or binge eating is that it’s not very romantic to anyone else who has any sense in their head. Addicts don’t get many Valentine’s Day cards. If you’re trying to quit, or already have quit, don’t wallow in lost love or all those stupid things that have been done and can’t be undone, even though they make you feel alone this time of year. This year, be your own Valentine.

Plan something that will make you happy on Valentine’s Day. Go see a movie, visit a good friend or sympathetic relative. Splurge a little on a gift or a special meal.
Spend the exact amount of money you would have spent on a drink, a pack of cigarettes or a super-size box of Oreo cookies. Put a red bow on your little splurge. Write a note in red ink that says, Happy Valentine’s Day to Me, sign it, seal it up in an envelope and open it on Valentine’s Day. (I know it may sound corny, but it won't if you do it!)

Studies show that people stress over holidays because of the money involved or because it puts them in situations they can’t control -- like being forced to spend time with negative people. Don’t do it. Don’t spend money if you don’t have it. Don’t make any plans involving people who are negative, or who will indulge in those same addictions you don’t want to be anywhere around. Don’t get stressed.

Happy Valentine's Day....

Do You Have to Know Why You're Addicted?

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 16:28:00 +0000

For years when I was drinking I thought that the only way I could ever quit was to figure out why I was drinking. I read books, watched tv talk shows like Phil Donahue (he had psychologists and the like on a lot) and read magazine articles trying to figure it out. I never really found out, and I haven't had a drink in almost 22 years.

On the day that I quit drinking it hit me like a ton of bricks---I didn't need to know why I drank, just so that I was done with drinking. I may figure it out down the road, and I may not. I saw clearly on that day that the most important thing I could do was to quit drinking. Then it didn't really matter in the long run why I drank because drinking wasn't going to be an issue for me anymore anyway.

I think that most people think like I did initially---that you have to find out why you are addicted, then when you do it will magically fall away on its own. It doesn't work that way.

But the good news is, you don't need to know why you're addicted. You just need to quit.

If You Fail, Get Up and Do It Again

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 16:39:00 +0000

I have a friend whose husband was in the Vietman war. He lost friends in the war and has survivor's guilt. So he drinks because of his guilt for having survived.

A few months ago this man called me up (because he knew that I'd quit drinking) and said he was really ready to quit drinking. He said he was tired of drinking and being hungover, but more than that, he was afraid of losing his wife of about 28 years because she'd been telling him that she couldn't take his drinking anymore.

He asked if I'd stay in touch with him because it would help him. He went to an outpatient facility in town. He seemed to be doing well for awhile, then his wife cought him in lies about drinking. Then she found out that yes, he had been drinking.

I told my friend that even though he's drinking again, there's always tomorrow and that one of these days could be the day that sobriety sticks.

Everyone who has quit an addiction has "their day." So until that day comes, my friend's husband has to just get up every day and try again.

If You Fall, Get Up and Do It Again

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 16:25:00 +0000

I have a friend whose husband has been an alcoholic for years. He was in the Vietnam war---many of his friends died in the war and he was lucky enough to have survived. He has survivor's guilt.....and he drinks a lot.

A few months ago he called me to tell me that he was going to quit drinking. He said he was tired of it and he especially didn't want to lose his wife, which he thought he would if he didn't quit. He knew my story of how I quit and he asked me to keep in touch with him. I was more than glad to.

I talked to him several times and gave him a little inspiration and truth. I told him that if he were to quit drinking he would have to change his routines. In the morning instead of waking up with a hangover (he said he had many hangovers), he might choose to go get a cup of coffee and go to the beach and watch the sunrise. He seemed to like the idea and said he would do that.

He went into an outpatient treatment center for a few weeks.

I found out recently that he's gone back to drinking. I keep in touch with his wife and said that there's always tomorrow to have that possibility for her husband to quit for good. I've seen that happen all the time.

So there's always hope, isn't there? So if you fall you just have to get up and do it again.

Quitting an Addiction Could Be ........Easy?

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 16:58:00 +0000

If I'd heard someone say that to me years ago I would have argued. No, it's difficult. You have to have a desire to quit, you have to go to self-help groups and pour your heart out.....THEN you have to go to these groups all the time. Then you end up thinking about your addiction every day and talking to people about it. You find yourself reading articles about people just like yourself who are addicted. These people are just like you and you feel an affinity with them.

But then after a few months it starts getting old---going to the meetings, seeing the same people sharing the same stories---you think about your addiction again. The newness is gone. You think about going back to your addiction out of boredom.

What if it were possible to just say, "ENOUGH! I don't want to be addicted anymore!" And what if it took? It happens all the time.

Isn't this LESS difficult than the previous? Not that meetings are bad---they're not, but they're not for everybody. Personally, meetings wouldn't have helped me. But think about the possibility.....of just quitting to get on with your life......putting down forever whatever your addiction is and walking away. Done, never to have that addictions again.

It happens to people all the time, just remember this..

It's a New Year

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 16:31:00 +0000

I heard it said once that, on the average, people put on 7 pounds during the holiday season. Well, the season's over now and there's something about turning that calendar over to a new month AND new year that let's us believe that we have another chance. I still feel that regarding certain aspects of my life.

There's nothing that a diet will do, AA can do for you or "trying to quit smoking" if YOU don't do the work to overcome the addiction. But that's ok, because the good news is that you CAN do it if you really, really want to. Think about it. Isn't that true? Can't you do just about anything you can think of?

Of course you can. Meditate on this concept. See the reality of it. Then do it...

Don't Let Upcoming Holidays Trigger Past Addictions

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 16:40:00 +0000

Here's an article I wrote a year ago, and since it's Christmas time, I thought I'd publish it again today on my blog. Merry Christmas everyone.....

Holiday temptations to over-eat or drink too much can trigger a return to past addictions. For those who have stuck to their diets, or quit drinking or smoking, avoiding temptations can be especially tough with the extra stress created by this year's battered economy.

Right now, before the holidays are in full swing, is when you can call on the same inner resolve that led you to quit your past addictions in the first place. You can vow right now to be pro-active, and you'll be better prepared to resist holiday temptations and stress. On top of traditional temptations of holidays and social obligations, this year's holidays might prove even more stressful because of the dire state of the economy. A new CNN/Opinion Research Corp. poll reports that 75 percent of people surveyed said they are suffering high stress because of the economy. Here are five common sense tips to avoid letting the holidays or a bad economy undermine your addiction-free lifestyle:

Avoid friends and acquaintances who are not supportive of your resolve to stay free of past addictions. Even when you can't avoid holiday occasions involving non-supportive family members, minimize your time spent with them or insist on bringing along a supportive friend or relative.
Avoid environments that might tempt you to return to your past bad habits. If you have stopped drinking, don't go to holiday parties at bars or even homes where alcohol will be a major focus. Politely decline. Your health and lifestyle are more important than social obligations.
Take a stress-busting walk. Exercise is a great way to reduce stress. Every time you feel internal worries building up, take an energizing walk through the woods, at the beach, or even around the block outside your office. If you can't outside to take a walk, practice deep breathing exercises to calm you.
Start a new hobby. Instead of worrying about past bad habits, begin a new good habit. Find a hobby that interests you, and one that is fun, too.

Join a group. When you were addicted, life was all about you. Getting involved with other people who are doing something positive will stop you from focusing too much on yourself. Join a social group, enroll in a class or become a volunteer in your community. Volunteers are critically needed in a struggling economy, and especially before and during the holiday season

.

Just An Observation

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 18:41:00 +0000

I went to lunch with my mother yesterday like I always do on Saturday afternoons. We started this ritual after her husband died 5 years ago. She said she really enjoys it, and it's good to catch up on things with mom.

Yesterday I noticed a couple I recognized from high school years ago, sitting at the next table. I didn't know them, but I new they'd been married for about 25 years. The man was tall and thin, and his wife was I would guess, 75 pounds overweight. I remembered her in high school---thin, popular, outgoing---and now she was fat. She still had a pretty face.

I just observed them, wondering what the woman, now heavy, was probably thinking on a regular basis. I would guess thoughts like "why can't I be thin like I used to be" or "will I always be fat?" Or maybe she wasn't thinking any of those questions. Maybe she's come to terms with being fat.

Just an observation while I was having lunch.

Is Today the Day You Quit Your Addiction?

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 19:52:00 +0000

Driving to the gym this morning and seemingly out of nowhere I thought of how possible it is for anyone suffering from addiction to quit today. Think about it. Let's say you've been an alcoholic for years, you've quit and gone back to it several times. You've lost confidence in yourself to the point where you never think you can quit. You're depressed and think it will never happen for you.

Then turn that thought process around. (Let's use that same example) You're hungover today, you have your coffee to wake up, you sit there thinking about the possibility of never drinking again, although it's hard to imagine that because you've failed so many times when trying to quit.

But today is different. Your mind opens up for the first time to the reality that it IS possible to quit. Oh my God! You see that it's doable. You make plans for your future because you've decided drinking was a thing of the past. You realize that you are in charge of your life and if you say you want to put down that drink forever, you can. You also decide you won't let any thoughts of alcohol and wanting alcohol ever again to occupy your thoughts. You're giving it up right there--in your room today---drinking your coffee.

Does it seem like a possible scenario? That's exactly how it happened for me over 22years ago, the day I gave up alcohol and I never looked back.

You Don't Have to Do It Alone

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 16:51:00 +0000

Not everyone can just say “I quit!,” and then do it. Some five million people participate in self-help groups each year to get help quitting their addictions to alcohol or drugs. That’s according to the federal Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, which goes by the acronym SAMHSA (pronounced SAM-SAH). Is a self-help group for you?

According to SAMHSA’s latest report this year, 2.3 million people who said they participated in self-help groups for drinking or drug use also said they had not used alcohol or illegal drugs for the previous month. This is based on the government agency’s survey each year since 2006.

What that means to me is that self-help groups aren’t the only answer. But they can help. You’ve got to be willing to say, ‘I quit!,” and mean it. I hit rock bottom plenty of times before I quit my three addictions to alcohol, cigarettes and overeating. Do whatever it takes to quit. If you’ve tried to quit and haven’t done it, get on the phone and call a self-help group. Nobody says you have to go it alone!

If you want to do more homework on people who chose self-help groups, or if you’re trying to convince an addicted friend or family member to sign up, here are two ways to get copies of the full report on the self-help study.

You can get the report at this Web site: http://oas.samhsa.gov/2k8/selfHelp/selfHelp.cfm. Or you can call the federal agency for your free copy at 1-877-726-4727. Ask for the report by its inventory number, which is SMA 08-4333.

Write to me at LindaJoyAllan@aol.com if it works for you!
The bottom line is: do something!

Why Quit Your Addiction?

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 19:14:00 +0000

Here Are A Few Reasons to Quit Your Addiction:

1) You'll just feel better overall---mentally and physically. I remember thinking about quitting smoking for years. Actually, it was difficult for me to truly contemplate quitting smoking because it scared me so much. How would I live without my cigarettes? I never thought I'd quit altogether. But I feel so good becuase I don't have breathing problems anymore and I know that I did something, well, HUGE!

2) You'll absolutely save money. I know that some people lose everything to support their addiction but for some people, especially in these times, it's important to save money. I wouldn't let money be the only criterion for quitting your addiction because when money is plentiful again you may go back. Just my thought on that.

3) Don't forget that we only live one time on this planet. You may have been run by your addiction for years. Sometimes when I have a decision to make I think of the words (Linda, you only live once) and it's much easier for me to make the right decision.

4) If you quit your addiction you will know you can trust yourself, which is HUGE! If you have a few things you've done and you see you can count on yourself to follow through, you will be more apt to make decisions about your life because you kow what you say...you will do.

You Gotta Have Conviction to Quit

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 19:36:00 +0000

I'm a big believer that when someone says they're going to do something, they do it. If you tell yourself you're going to do something do you follow through and do it? Or do you usually come up with excuses as to why you can't do it now or the circumstances are such that you can't finish now so you'll put it off...blah, blah, blah.....

I look around and I hate to say it but it seems that we just think we can do something if it's not difficult. Like quitting an addiction. We say we'd like to quit....but it will be too hard! It might be difficult but that doesn't mean you can't do it. Think about that. Instead of these words being depressing for you, let them be uplifting. YOU CAN QUIT YOUR ADDICTION.

Doesn't it feel good to hear the truth? Because you really CAN quit. It's all in the mind, really..

Sticking to Your Goals, No Matter How You Feel

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 19:13:00 +0000

I know I write about this a lot, but I think it's what makes or breaks goals.

If you have a goal---say losing weight---and you wake up on day 1 raring to go, you may even have gotten up early before work to work out. Good, you did it!

Then you wake up the next day and.......well you don't feel like working out so much. You start coming up with reasons to put working out off---I'm tired, I don't feel like working out, I need more sleep (that COULD be a good one actually), I'll work out tomorrow instead. Whatever reason, you have many. Result? You don't work out. One of your reasons won.

I know what a trap this is because I used to do it too. But then I started putting less emphasis on my reasons as to why I couldn't work out or eat the way I knew I needed to in order to lose weight, and just started exercising and eating right because I TOLD MYSELF THAT WAS MY GOAL. What was the outcome? I started losing weight, getting fit and not thinking about food all the time.

It really will save you a lot of time too, not having to think about whether or not you'll go to the gym, eat right, not drink, not smoke---whatever your addiction my be. If you decide your plan ahead of time and follow it several times, then you get used to counting on yourself and every day will be easier and easier.

It's true, try it.

My Book Was On Dr. Laura's Book Giveaway

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 16:04:00 +0000

I was ecstatic to learn last week that my book "I Quit!" would be featured on Dr. Laura's Book Giveaway. I was delighted a few years ago when she endorsed my book too.

I thought I'd listen to the segment at work with my co-workers, but decided to go home to listen by myself, and to tape it. I knew exactly what time it would be on, since I'm a regular listener to the show.

I put the tape in, and pressed "record" @ 4:05 pm. Dr. Laura first read a few pages of my book---the chapter where I told my dad and his wife that I was going to kill myself because I was upset with them over a money issue. Then she talked a little about my book.

That morning I looked at a picture of my dad (who died 3 years ago) and said "Dad, I hope you can hear Dr. Laura today because you had so much to do with me getting to this place." I thought it was a bit "interesting" that she read that part of the book, mentioning my father. Coincidence? Who knows?

But it sure was cool to hear Dr. Laura talking about my book. I'm so grateful to her.

I Was a Guest on An Internet Radio Show

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 15:24:00 +0000

I was on Blogtalkradio a few days ago and the host was Jackie Foreman. She was fun, had a great personality and was a darn good interviewer.

She asked me questions about my book "I Quit!" One of the questions someone had emailed in was that this person ate a huge ice cream treat every day and how could I help this person.

The first thing I said was "there's no magic here." Then I went on to say that if it were me, I'd tell myself only 1/2 of the treat today---and all week. I would need to prove to myself that when I tell myself what I'm going to eat, I mean it.

Then I would know I could count on myself. The next week I would maybe eat 1/4 of the treat, then give it up. If the goal is to lose weight, then the ice cream probably has to go for now.

Another question was about excercise and how important I thought exercise was to losing weight. My answer was that it's important but in my personal opinion it's more important what you eat. Exercise helps a bit to lose weight, but the food is more important. What exercise does is it makes you feel better and you feel happier in your life.

That was one of the most fun interviews I've had.

A Fat Man's Words

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 15:58:00 +0000

I was watching something on tv---a show about addictions.

The fat man was asked to really think deeply about why he is heavy and share the reasons:

1) Uses food to treat everything. Food is his friend.

2) Always thinking "what are people thinking about me. I don't deserve to eat."

3) When I eat each bite, I block out all thoughts---all I think of is the next bite.

4) It feels bad afterwards, but when eating the food, it just feels great.

He then broke down and cried. Saying the words got to him because he never spoke those words. He felt he could start losing weight now.

I looked in his eyes and agreed that he probably will tackle his problem now. Sometimes getting those deep, dark thoughts we have out in the open---thoughts we may not even be aware of---opens the door to begin facing reality and dealing with what needs to be dealt with.

I Love Being Straight

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 16:01:00 +0000

I just spoke with my friend. She and her husband are going through difficult times and are separated. They had their last therapy session yesterday and it looks like---for now anyway---that they will continue staying apart.

My friend called me up crying which is highly unusual. The day just took a toll on her. After we hung up she had 2 glasses of wine and a vicadin. We talked today...she called up her husband and just didn't care what she said to him. She said things she couldn't say, or wouldn't say when she's straight. She even called someone she briefly dated several months ago and spoke for an hour.

I remember doing these sorts of things when I drank. It WAS easier to pick up the phone and tell someone what was truly on my mind when I was drinking. It DID make me bolder.

Boy, am I glad I'm straight all the time now......

Does God Play a Part in Quitting Your Addiction?

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 16:29:00 +0000

I was sort of taunted by something I'd written---I wrote that I believed God was instrumental in my quitting my 3 addictions. I wrote that I will believe until the day I die that I didn't do something that HUGE by myself.

Well someone wrote saying that so many "spiritual people" say that the only way to quit their addictions is with God. And what about the people (like himself) who don't believe in God?

I wrote back saying that my story is that I quit 3 addictions and I believe very strongly that God's hand was in it. I was a very weak woman when I was drinking for those 12 years. On the morning I quit drinking forever I was hungover and couldn't think straight, yet that was a morning I'll never forget---many insights came to me in my condition that day and I'll never forget them.

And with my weight: Calling out to God when I was 16 saying if there was a God I needed His help because I couldn't stop eating. I never ate uncontrollably since that night.

I told the man who wrote me that I was just sharing my story with him and that it wouldn't be HIS story. We'll all have our own unique stories to tell as to how we quit our addictions.

And I had my own unique one......and I love my story....

Will You Give Up Your Addiction?

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 18:42:00 +0000

I was listening to a radio show (Dr. Laura) and a woman called in saying she was 50 years old and didn't take good care of herself, although she'd quit drinking 15 years ago. She said she still smoked a lot and had some weight to lose, but it was too difficult to stop her addictions. She could do it for awhile, then "she couldn't."

Dr. Laura said that she would have to decide to want the healthy body over her addictions. The woman said that she did. Dr. Laura immediately came back at her with the truth---"No, you don't. You want the immediate satisfaction a cigarette gives you, rather than the long term effects of quitting your addictions."

Dr. Laura suggested she put a picture of herself when she was healthy out where she could see it all the time. She also suggested to this woman that she speaks out loud what her intentions are because we are easily manipulated when we just think about what we want to do.

But if we say it out loud.......I DON'T WANT THAT CIGARETTE! I WANT TO BE HEALTHY AND WILL HAVE AN APPLE INSTEAD." Then go get an apple. Do this many times and it will be easier to not give into your addiction.

I love this idea and think it will help a lot....

What If I Took A Drink After Quitting 22 Years Ago?

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 15:43:00 +0000

I got asked that twice this week. So I answered truthfully.

If I were to take a drink after not having one drink in 22 years I know I could probably have one drink and stop for a day. But I don't want to drink, I told both of them.

BUT...IF I took one drink the next day, I have no idea how that day would end, because I think I'm an alcoholic (even though I don't ever say those words---I just don't drink and say I'm a non-drinker).

I think the more important thought is that I don't want to drink anymore. So contemplating whether or not what would happen to me if I drank again, really doesn't matter. The fact is, I'm done with drinking.

I also said to both of the people asking me this question (one was on a radio interview) is that I wouldn't want to take the chance of stepping into that world again---the world of alcoholism----because it ran my life pretty much for 12 years.

So getting on with my life without alcohol is where I choose to live. I have a good life without alcohol. And the good news is that I never think of alcohol anymore, and I haven't in years. I'm totally free of it.....thank God!

Are You Run By Your Addiction?

misslindajoy@gmail.com (misslja) — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 18:18:00 +0000

I was talking to someone @ work the other day who seems to be able to say "no" fairly easily to what he didn't want in his life. Donald had been drinking several sodas each day and decided a few months ago that he'd cut them out completely---and he did.

But last week he picked up a soda and drank it. After he drank it he decided he was going to stop because he didn't want to be run by anything. And he said it would be easy for him to stop now becuase of the reality he had of not wanting his life to be run by anything.

I could relate with Donald because when I gave up each addiction I was very aware how much each addiction had been running my life, and I wanted to be in charge of my life, not the addiction.

Donald also said something to the affect of "just say no."...and how easy that really was. I agreed, but did say to him that so many people find it the most difficult thing to say. "Just say no" to many people is.....well it's just too easy and won't work.

The key here is---and what I believe---is that it IS that easy many time. Just say no and get on with your life.

Are you run by your addiction? Could "just say no" possibly work for you? Just maybe?

Try it.....I'd love to hear what results you have....